A response to Grace Durbin

Grace Durbin recently penned a response to one of my posts. Having engaged her with intellectual criticisms, I am charged with the crime of “verbal assault” over at her blog. What could such a thing mean I wonder? I did not cuss her, I didn’t threaten her, and I didn’t insult her personally. So, in what sense did I proceed with “verbal assault”? What could such a thing mean. She condemns me for “judging” her and others. The remainder of her post is a Christian admonishing of sorts, reminding me that Jesus would never do such a thing right?

I wish she had made counter-arguments to my posts, but instead her retort is one large example of fallacious writing. Her entire post is an ad hominem. Instead of dealing with my argument, she attacks my character. Ironically, she tries desperately to show this is what I am doing to her. She even goes as far as saying:

I imagine she [Mary Magdalene] felt so honored because she was a whore. (As you’ve attempted and failed to make me to be in your introduction.)

But here’s what I said about her in my introduction:

Grace Durbin, a fellow blogger on WordPress and writer for Elitedaily, published a piece back in November on the state of violence in our country. The first half of her post records her pregnancy, her partner abandoning her, then the birth of her now 1-year-old daughter, followed by the epiphany of living in a  “culture of violence”.  What would she do if something tragic happened to her? Who would care for her young daughter? As she witnesses, reads, and hears about young girls being sexually assaulted, young men, like Mike Brown, who “hit the ground in a storm of unmerited violence” and boys like Tamir Rice, she can only conclude that her daughter’s life is imminently threatened by this “culture of violence”.

I used the information she gave about her self as a springboard to examine her notion of a “culture of violence”. Here’s what she said about her self:

Nine days before my daughter’s birth, my partner left and never returned. I could have succumbed to the pain and anger I felt, but I didn’t. I had my first child, moved homes, became a college student for the first time and discovered the meaning of being called “Mom.” That’s when I realized my voice could reach further than I had imagined — it must. My daughter is 1-year-old, and every day, I grow more fearful and worried about what her future might hold. If something happened to me today, who would stand up for my daughter tomorrow? Who would protect my child for me?

I don’t understand how this amounts to me characterizing her as a whore? There is simply no evidence for this – and it is completely uncalled for on her part. Those who follow her also toil under the same delusions, believing that I am out to attack her and her daughter (both whom I mentioned very briefly in my post).

I don’t understand the charge of “verbal assault”. It quite literally makes no sense whatsoever. Since I didn’t insult, cuss, or threaten her – and since her implication that I am characterizing her as a whore is ridiculous – there is only one thing left that can be thought of as so-called verbal assault: my criticism of her thoughts. But are a person and their thoughts the same thing, such that if one is criticized necessarily the other is as well? This only supports the points I’ve been making about the pluralism and egalitarianism in our society. It has driven people to the assumption that any thought, belief, or decision cannot be held to a standard outside of the self that holds them; it is theirs and theirs alone. It is a sad state of affairs that we have reached when the critique of another persons thoughts is equal to “verbal assault”. But only in a world this lost could someone actually believe this…

As far as me not living up to the good ole’ WWJD doctrine, I think her understanding of Jesus is a bit over-simplified. This is the same Jesus that judged the Sadducees and Pharisees. He said, “You serpents, you brood of vipers, how are you to escape being sentenced to hell?” (Matt. 23:23) This is the same Jesus, who in anger, turned over the tables in the temple where thieves were operating. He chased them out with a whip. Jesus even commands us to judge others. He says, “Do not judge by appearance but judge with a righteous judgment”. In Luke 17:3, Jesus commands us to rebuke those who trespass against us and to forgive them if they repent. Of course, Jesus did love sinners; however, one wonders how Jesus identified these people as sinful without first making a judgment about them? Jesus’ love of sinful people did not mean accepting them and their behavior – the kind of love often confused with Jesus’ love – but it meant having the courage and commitment to understand them and their problems while helping them get rid of them (and doing so with patience). Accepting their behavior as a legitimate form of human expression is not something Jesus ever did or even commanded his disciples do. I dare you find the passage that supports this Liberal perversion of “love” you all claim Jesus was promoting.

I am sorry Ms. Durbin elected to ignore what I believe are good points. Instead of engaging in an exchange of intellectual opinions, she decided to victimize herself by suggesting I ‘assaulted’ her. She implies that I was disrespectful but misses how truly disrespectful she is behaving in the intellectual blogosphere. She says what I have written is not “worth remembering” although she frequents my blog everyday to post a link to hers and has said in a comment on my blog that my posts have made her “think…a lot”. I’m glad they have. Hopefully this one will do just as much.


17 thoughts on “A response to Grace Durbin

  1. I don’t have to visit your blog to link to your post, dear. Not at all. All I have to do, is link to my own post. You should learn a thing or two.

    AND when I DO visit your blog, it is because when trash like this spills from your lips, I have a right to defend myself.

    You be well now!

    Hey. GOD BLESS.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Help! “Verbal Assault”! Help me!

      That loving everyone mantra sure fizzled out fast huh? I guess love permits you to drop in a tell me my post is trash without addressing any of the points I’ve made (while rallying an army of angry women who do nothing by spew silly drivel as well)?

      The truth is you do come by my blog …a lot. It’s flattering Grace. Thank you. Thank you for all the traffic you bring through here. My guess is I’ve made people think just as much as I have you. You see, I never said your thoughts and words werent worth remembering; I responded after all, but you have linked, and linked, and linked my blog to other blogs. You have written posts. Youve taken my thoughts far and wide, as I’ve traced my blog to others you’ve been posting on. You’re searching for all this support. Look at how my thoughts have affected you and you really expect me to believe my thoughts arent worth remembering? Goodness…

      If you can’t engage the points being made and only wish to quarrel, then please discontinue commenting please. I am happy to discuss what points I made in the article above, if you wish to address them yourself for once.


  2. Is it Mr. Pane? Or would you prefer Nick? I’ll go with Nicky. That is my preference.

    Interesting things you’ve written over the years, Nicky. I shall have to read over them in depth when I have more time on my hands. You are a shining example of some of the things I write about. I could use many of your opinions to support the ugly truths that I write about. I follow Grace’s blog. I’ve found it helpful as I pass through the healing process I am currently expierencing. I was browsing through her blog and some of your statements caught my eye. Unlike Miss Grace, I am not good at biting my tongue. I never had a knack for beating around the bush. I prefer direct and to the point. You could say brutally honest, if you wish. I speak the truth regardless of it’s looks. Some truths are just down right ugly. There are truths about me that are ugly. I fully admit my imperfections, my errors, and utilize critisisms of me as a way of self-relection and path correction if need be. My ex-narcso (narcissistic sociopath who was my husband) says I talk too much and his buddies think I should shut my yap. Others think I should shut it too. They say they wish to remain neutral, but all that does is assist the evil-doer. I have a problem keeping my mouth shut and the more I am told to shut it, the louder I get. Daddy didn’t nick-name me motor-mouth for nothing. I have so much to say about what I have read on your pages and I will be saying it when the time is right. That is one thing you can count on. For now, I just want to make a couple of comments based on my observations and education.

    “she decided to victimize herself by suggesting I ‘assaulted’ her”

    My dear Nicky, can’t you see that she did not victimize herself. She did what warriors do. She stood up against you to defend herself. Do you feel insulted by her for pointing out some ugly truths about you? You did, indeed, verbally assaulted her. She did better than I would have in her reply. I would’ve replied in kind. She held back. She fought back against your attack on her person and denied you any power over her. Now you are playing the victim card and throwing a tantrum. Do you know who you share the personality traits to carry out these types of actions with? Abusers. Not just any type of abusers, but does it really matter which specific type? Afterall, all abuse is bad. Verbal assaults are categorized as emotional abuse.

    Don’t go getting your panties in a wad just yet. Everything you say and do reflects upon you as a person. If you react in this manner to one person you disagree wtih, chances are you react in this manner with everyone you disagree with. That’s OK. My ex-narcso does the same thing. Yes, I just compared your behavior to that of a narcissistic sociopath. Now you can get your panties in a wad.

    Are you familiar with the phrase, “Attacking the Messenger”? I’m sure you are. I’m sure you have used it yourself. When people can’t defend their position, justify their opposition, and/or speak without contradicting themselves, people will attack the messenger to direct attention away from the message.

    “When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser.” ~ Socrates

    “I don’t understand the charge of “verbal assault”. It quite literally makes no sense whatsoever.” ~ Nick

    Ignorance is bliss. Why didn’t you just ask her what it was you said that made her feel verbally assaulted intead of saying her feelings and thoughts are wrong? Why not try to put yourself in her position? You invited the battle when you threw your little temper tantrum over her words instead of simply asking her for clarification to help you understand what she meant. You could have done some self-reflection and perhaps learned a few things about yourself that are in need of correction.

    “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.” ~ Dr. Phil

    Then again, perhaps you are not working on yourself at all and believe you are perfect just the way you are. You don’t make mistakes. You never misspeak.

    “Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.”

    There you go. You are committed to misunderstanding her. She must be wrong. Afterall, she’s a liberal and all liberals are wrong about everything. There is no way you could ever agree with a liberal.

    “Not everyone thinks the way you think, knows the things you know, believes the things you believe, nor acts the way you would act. Remember this and you will go a long way in getting along with people.” ~ Arthur Forman

    You are saying that Jesus told you to judge her and everyone else? Is that your divine purpose God has chosen for you? Did this epiphany come to you after you were saved by God’s Grace? I should ask if you’ve been saved by God’s Grace first. How far down have you been, Nicky? What trials and tribulations have you suffered through? How broken were you when God lit the way you needed to go? I would love to hear your story. Have you heard Saul’s story? It is truely miraculous. I can relate to Saul. Can you? If you aren’t familiar with it, you can read it here:

    Click to access 071909heatley.pdf

    I look forward to exchanging comments with you after I publish my next article.

    Be blessed, Nicky.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Firstly, let me start off by saying that your feeble attempts to elicit some sort of angry, irrational response isn’t going to work. By calling me “Nicky”, I assume you mean to, in some way, anger me. That much is clear, although I am willing to bet you’ll obviously deny this; regardless, there is no other reason for you to do this. I don’t mind it though, as my sisters refer to me by that very name. So, please continue with you “pet names”. It’s flattering.

      Secondly, I think you’re really missing the point, much like Grace. You see, characterizing me in a particular way, like a “hater” or “judgmental” or whatever, does not necessitate the falsity of any claims I have made. Neither you, Grace, or hardly anyone else has cared to engage any of the points I have made. Why not? You used this quote “When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser.” First off, you may want to check your sources, because there is no evidence Socrates said this (and “brainy quote” is about as reliable of a source as Wikipedia). That’s really not this issue though…it’s just embarrassing. But what about the truth of the statement itself (regardless of who uttered it)? Well, it is true people resort to all sorts of nasty behavior. What argument has been lost though? Where have I slandered her? I’m concerned you may not understand what that means. Once again, neither you or Grace have addressed any of the points I made. Only one commenter, a friend of Grace, or the very least a follower like yourself, has commented with any sense. She didn’t choose the route you and Grace have so obviously chose. I don’t care whether you think I’m a narcissist, a “hater”. a “bigot”, or whatever; what I care about is for you to prove that I am wrong by approaching the content of my writing, not my character. By ignoring this and choosing this route of “psychological explanation”, when you have never met me, and do not know me, means that you are very likely proving the truth of the “Socratic” quote you used. I don’t understand what’s so hard for you or Grace to comprehend about this? What if I grant to you and her that I am just full of hate, a terrible Christian man, who just wants to judge and bash people’s sprits? What if I said “Okay, you got me. That’s exactly who I am!” Now what? What about the words I have spoke? Do you not understand that even a hateful person can utter true things? Do I expect either or you to agree with them? No, not initially I don’t. I expect you to say “No, he’s wrong.” But then I expect you to tell me how. Neither of you have done that. I will no longer follow either of you down these evasive little trails away from my blog posts, because in truth, more so than slander, when an argument is lost people use a distraction when they have no retort. What else am I to believe you two are doing by communicating this drivel? Grace has literally linked my blog to her Facebook numerous times, sharing it on multiple blogs, seeking support from others because she has no response to it. A few people, yourself included, have come to her defense – whether she needed it or not I dare not say. The point though is that my thoughts have clearly affected her deeply and she has not responded to it in intellectual manner yet. Why? You are free to go on thinking that she is a “warrior” defending herself from the attack of a terrible enemy, but back in the real world all I did was question a concept – “Culture of Violence” – and worked out a post on that topic, not Grace and her life. Nobody was attacking her – she isn’t the one who coined the term anyways – but she made points I disagreed with and so I wrote about it, not to embarrass her or shame her, but because I enjoy discussing ideas (which she claims to but clearly I have my doubts now…). So, go ahead, characterize me whatever way you wish. I truly does not bother me one way or another. Plenty of people appreciate my writings and firmly believe I am wasting my time on people such as yourselves, who (whether you admit or not) enjoy playing the victim. There is a sort of a sordid joy in that.

      You’re upset I pretentiously over-reacted above? “Help! “Verbal assault”! Help!” Yes, I caricatured her response. You’re right – it is immature. I’m glad we can agree on that. Why can’t you see that what I am caricaturing is the real source of immaturity here?


    2. Nicky . . . words really are not enough. Thank you. I featured your blog on my site under voices I echo. I will echo you. ♥ Thanks for standing for me and with me. You own that voice, girl!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. That is a hell of a lot of assumptions you’ve made there, Nicky. Most are false, but bravo on the failed effort. Thank you for making me feel even more blessed. I love when people put words in my mouth. Tells me all I need to know. I never believed you to be a Christian. Enjoy your evening.


    1. How are these merely assumptions and how are they false? Yet again you evade the points I made not only in my blog post but also in my last comment. Will you not deal with those? My guess is that my thoughts aren’t worth your time? Yet here you are…

      It’s as if you cannot see the self-defeating behavior here.


    1. I never called myself a Christian. What’s you’re next line? You all keep using that word “love” – I don’t think it means what you think it means. What do you all mean by that? How am I not loving? How am I spewing hatred? Please tell me.


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